Since October 2020, I’ve had a really really hard time around the holidays. Starting with Halloween right through Christmas, Bear was very much all about the holidays. Christmas tree up in October… yards full of inflatables and music…. food…
Since he died things have kind of not been the same.
Since I became the neighborhood pariah things have not been the same.
Since…
Since…
Since…
I’m slowly fighting my way back to… a new normal.
Having to put Snickers to sleep on Halloween was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was right for him… so much pain… if you have never heard a pug SCREAM… I hope you never have to… I love October… but losing both Bear and his pug (that I really did make mine after he died)… I hate October at the same time.
Sky, both last Thanksgiving and this year (two different places for him) being away for Thanksgiving and the household being down to two humans… not the same. Really fighting depression this year. I’m really hoping to have enough money after paying bills for Monkey Butt and I to go to Denny’s… since I can’t get the oven fixed any time soon… it’s the best alternative.
Christmas? Well, the happy tree has been up since 2020 and I keep trying… but…
I keep trying to find the ‘it matters’ every day but some days are harder than others. Today… today is really hard. Playing Christmas music in the kitchen while I clean. Watching the Ring door bell to see when company is going to show up… see how much gets dumped on the porch that I will have to hurry and clean up before the neighbors come unhinged because someone actually lives in the house.
Someone posted, on the housing area’s facebook page, the plea for everyone to decorate up their yards for the holiday. I am thinking of putting up exactly ONE decoration… the rainbow “tree” that is hiding in the shed. Tired of knowing how many amazingly pleasant people live in the neighborhood. We used to be ‘that house’ (think Christmas Vacation)… now I would be just as happy to pain the house black and plant wolf’s bane in the yard.
Oh hey… big giant dog next door is barking again. The one that attacked multiple kids in the neighborhood and barks all night because he’s stuck in the back yard… but mine are the problem…
I know I need to fix my thinking and maybe put the positive energy out that I need to in hopes of getting any of it back. I can’t fix anything else… maybe fixing how I’m thinking will help…
AprilJoy
11/19/2023
